I am the type of girl who would send friends long letters, treat them to dinner, welcome them to my house anytime and gift them with stuff that they love. I would like to think that I am the best friend you can have. I am fiercely loyal but I will honestly point out your mistakes. I will move mountains so that you can chase your dreams. I will shield you from harm even if I get hurt and sacrifice my own self in the process. I will sit you down over long touch base sessions so that you can sort your self out. I will hold your hand and walk with you in the dark. I may not agree with you and I may continue to challenge you but I will understand you and embrace you for who you are. I will love you to bits with all your imperfections. I will pierce you occasionally and make you cry but I will be first to take away your pain.
I grew up as an only child. Maybe this is why I built my friendships as my family. I nurture, protect, defend and value them. I am not good at small talks. I built relations through long intense conversations on the meaning of life. I pride my self for being a good judge of character. I trust people easily because I always see the good in them and the potential to make their selves better.
My friendships last through years even though I rarely have time to reconnect and chat with them over coffee or wine. Probably because I have invested enough relations with them that will last us a lifetime. And essentially because my friends and I know each other well, have grown up together or as what I always say understand each others’ core enough that distance and time do not really matter.
I have had my share of some friendships lost, and some of these I found again. Through out the years, I grew some more, each relationship uniquely has its own dynamics. I invest in relationships. This is what I do. This is who I am. I learned the value of those ties formed and the lessons I learned from the process of building or rebuilding it.
The past few months challenged these same values that I hold dear. As life would have it, I had to assess if all the investments were actually worth it. I had to reflect and question my own belief system and eventually, my self worth.
Looking back now, it finally hit me. While friendships are shaped and nurtured through time and common experiences, the essential foundations are built on the understanding of each others’ core, embracing who you both are, respecting your choices and trusting your love for each other. Thus, while along the process you may hurt each other, be insanely critical of each other, or fall out of each others’ lives, deep inside there is a bond that cannot be broken. That, your love for each other will be the force that will push you to weather your storms and anchor your selves to each others’ lives. After last year, I vow never to question these values again and my self worth.
I am sure that I will always make my self vulnerable to being hurt but I will always trust my self in all my judgment because I know that when I decided to let you into my life I gave you my trust, respect, understanding and love in a package deal and more. I will keep you as long as you would like me to. I will let you go as well if you want me to with no bitterness in my heart.
And so I write this piece as a homage of sorts to my friendships. Because I will forever be indebted to the lessons in life I learned with them. Because I know that whatever I do, at the end of the day, they will not judge me badly. Because I trust that they will always understand, that they will embrace me with all my flaws and faults, that they will respect my choices and hold my hand in the dark so I can finally get back to my path to being stellar. And because, I am very lucky to have friends who love me in my entirety and to bits.
I am writing this on a Thursday morning amidst the bustle of my so called life because I needed to make sense of everything happening around me these days, because I needed to remember who I am again. And perhaps, by remembering who I am, I will finally have the strength and courage to move forward to 2014.